Moving December 15th

Things are changing again in my life. My niece from Saint Pauls, North Carolina has called and invited me to come and live with her and her husband. I agreed to move in with her and there was one thing I had to do before moving in and that was to declaw my cat. I had her declawed the 6th of December, which was a Thursday. On Friday and Saturday, she acted like her normal self. On Sunday, she stayed under the recliner all day and night. She did not eat or drink any water, so Monday, I got her out from under the chair and set her in front of her food and water. She would not eat or drink, so I took her
in the bathroom where her litter box is and she stepped inside to urinate. I am using a paper like litter instead of regular litter
because of her tender paws. After she came out of the box, I decided it was time to clean the box. I took the dome off and cleaned all the bad litter and before I could put the top back on, she went in and started using the bathroom again, but this time, it was a small bowel movement.

When she got out of the box, I noticed that the bowel was covered in blood. I immediately called the vet and was told to bring her in. The vet called me about an hour later telling me the cost for everything she wanted to do, such as a fecal, antibiotics, pain medication, and of course the exam. This was going to total between $90 to $100. This is money I do not have since I am moving and need what money I have for the U-haul gas. The vet cut me some slack and did everything but the fecal and they are letting me wait until next month to pay. Talk about a big relief for me, that was. I thanked them from the bottom of my heart and brought Kitty home.

Now I am just waiting for Friday, December 14th so I can get my U-haul truck and car carrier. My niece fronted me the money to get the truck and car carrier, but I am going to pay her back, a little each month, until paid in full. Her husband has already rented me a 5X10 storage building for $40 a month. Here I am paying $50 a month for the same size building. I want to put the things that are going into storage in first, so they will be at the back of the truck and the things I want to take to my niece’s house up front, so it can be unloaded first. I just hope I can get the loader to do as I want them to do.

I have no reason to stay in this town any more. The people I am living with barely speak to me and they stay in their room all the time. I only came to this town because of a man I met on the internet in August of 2004. We stayed together for 3 years and 1 month before I broke it off with him. The following month was when I had the breakdown because I was under so much stress for having to live in the same apartment with him because neither of us could at that time afford a place of our own.

After I got out of the hospital, I stayed at my friend’s house for a couple of days, then on a Friday, I went back to the apartment to stay. At that time, I learned that he had found another woman while I was in the hospital and he met her the day I went back to the apartment. He even spent the night with her and then he told me that he had met someone. So why should I stay where I am without family and to spend Christmas with people that are family and I would be an outsider.

So in 4 days I get the truck and in 5 days, I will be traveling southbound on I-95 for about 2 or so hours. I am excited that I will get to spend Christmas with my family. I also have a doctor picked out and also a therapist because I need to continue my recovery. It kind of reminds me of that Christmas carol “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” since I haven’t missed a Christmas with my family in the past 7 years.

If I don’t get to blog before the holidays are over, I wish each and every one of you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Emotions still not working as they should

I’ve been experiencing crying spells lately.  I can sit and cry over anything with no reason at all and this can last from a half and hour to two or more hours non stop.  I talked to my therapist about this again today and she said that my emotions still need time to heal.  I’ve been out of the hospital for about six weeks and they are still not as they should be.

My psychiatrist told me that it would take a while for them to improve, but I am seeing him again on Monday, December 3rd at 6:30pm to find out if he can change my medication or increase what I am taking, or do something to help me with the crying spells. 

I was on my way to therapy today and about half way there I started crying.  Driving down the road with tears streaming down both cheeks.  I got to therapy and had to wait a few minutes, so I went to the waiting room, holding my head down so no one could see that I was still crying.  The therapist came and got me and I held my head down until we got to her office and the first thing she told me that it was alright to cry.  I told her it was happening about every day and I did not know how long I can take this.  It’s very stressful to cry and not know why. 

I told her that I might try to hurt myself again if it doesn’t stop soon, because I can’t stand living like this.  If it isn’t under control within a week of the doctor changing my medication, I think I will ask him if I can go back to the hospital before hurting myself.  The thoughts are in the distant right now but they will appear if I don’t get any help with these crying episodes.  I can’t take it much longer and I told the therapist the same thing.  She said if I thought I needed to go back to the hospital, then I should go before it gets worse for me.  Something for me to ponder this week.

So, if any of you read this, please say a prayer or two for me.  I really need lots of prayers now.

Happy Holidays to all!