Life is good!

It’s been almost a month since I’ve blogged, so I wanted to give an update of what’s been going on with me since the last time I blogged.  I got moved in with my niece on December 15, 2007.  I drove a 14 foot U-haul and pulled a car carrier with my car on it for a little over 100 miles from where lived. 

The things that came to my niece’s house was the first things to come off the truck and my storage building was only a 5X7 instead of a 10X10 what I use to have in Wilson.  Anyways, we filled the storage building, even though I had to bring some of the things back to the house.

Christmas was great spending with the family.  We went to my sister’s’ house.  Later that evening we came back home.  Total riding time was 6 hours and my back could really tell it.

I have a new doctor that I go see on February 5th.  I saw another doctor this month but I did not like him at all and I called and requested another doctor.  This doctor I saw was very rude and I told him that he had an attitude and he looked shocked at me but I meant every word of it.

Hope everyone is doing great!

You by Evanescence

The words have been drained from this pencil
Sweet words that I want to give you
And I can’t sleep
I need to tell you
Goodnight

When we’re together, I feel perfect
When I’m pulled away from you, I fall apart
All you say is sacred to me
Your eyes are so blue
I can’t look away
As we lay in the stillness
You whisper to me

Amy, marry me
Promise you’ll stay with me
Oh you don’t have to ask me
You know you’re all that I live for
You know I’d die just to hold you
Stay with you
Somehow I’ll show you
That you are my night sky
I’ve always been right behind you
Now I’ll always be right beside you

    So many nights I cried myself to sleep
    Now that you love me, I love myself
    I never thought I would say this
    I never thought there’d be
    You

Moving December 15th

Things are changing again in my life. My niece from Saint Pauls, North Carolina has called and invited me to come and live with her and her husband. I agreed to move in with her and there was one thing I had to do before moving in and that was to declaw my cat. I had her declawed the 6th of December, which was a Thursday. On Friday and Saturday, she acted like her normal self. On Sunday, she stayed under the recliner all day and night. She did not eat or drink any water, so Monday, I got her out from under the chair and set her in front of her food and water. She would not eat or drink, so I took her
in the bathroom where her litter box is and she stepped inside to urinate. I am using a paper like litter instead of regular litter
because of her tender paws. After she came out of the box, I decided it was time to clean the box. I took the dome off and cleaned all the bad litter and before I could put the top back on, she went in and started using the bathroom again, but this time, it was a small bowel movement.

When she got out of the box, I noticed that the bowel was covered in blood. I immediately called the vet and was told to bring her in. The vet called me about an hour later telling me the cost for everything she wanted to do, such as a fecal, antibiotics, pain medication, and of course the exam. This was going to total between $90 to $100. This is money I do not have since I am moving and need what money I have for the U-haul gas. The vet cut me some slack and did everything but the fecal and they are letting me wait until next month to pay. Talk about a big relief for me, that was. I thanked them from the bottom of my heart and brought Kitty home.

Now I am just waiting for Friday, December 14th so I can get my U-haul truck and car carrier. My niece fronted me the money to get the truck and car carrier, but I am going to pay her back, a little each month, until paid in full. Her husband has already rented me a 5X10 storage building for $40 a month. Here I am paying $50 a month for the same size building. I want to put the things that are going into storage in first, so they will be at the back of the truck and the things I want to take to my niece’s house up front, so it can be unloaded first. I just hope I can get the loader to do as I want them to do.

I have no reason to stay in this town any more. The people I am living with barely speak to me and they stay in their room all the time. I only came to this town because of a man I met on the internet in August of 2004. We stayed together for 3 years and 1 month before I broke it off with him. The following month was when I had the breakdown because I was under so much stress for having to live in the same apartment with him because neither of us could at that time afford a place of our own.

After I got out of the hospital, I stayed at my friend’s house for a couple of days, then on a Friday, I went back to the apartment to stay. At that time, I learned that he had found another woman while I was in the hospital and he met her the day I went back to the apartment. He even spent the night with her and then he told me that he had met someone. So why should I stay where I am without family and to spend Christmas with people that are family and I would be an outsider.

So in 4 days I get the truck and in 5 days, I will be traveling southbound on I-95 for about 2 or so hours. I am excited that I will get to spend Christmas with my family. I also have a doctor picked out and also a therapist because I need to continue my recovery. It kind of reminds me of that Christmas carol “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” since I haven’t missed a Christmas with my family in the past 7 years.

If I don’t get to blog before the holidays are over, I wish each and every one of you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Emotions still not working as they should

I’ve been experiencing crying spells lately.  I can sit and cry over anything with no reason at all and this can last from a half and hour to two or more hours non stop.  I talked to my therapist about this again today and she said that my emotions still need time to heal.  I’ve been out of the hospital for about six weeks and they are still not as they should be.

My psychiatrist told me that it would take a while for them to improve, but I am seeing him again on Monday, December 3rd at 6:30pm to find out if he can change my medication or increase what I am taking, or do something to help me with the crying spells. 

I was on my way to therapy today and about half way there I started crying.  Driving down the road with tears streaming down both cheeks.  I got to therapy and had to wait a few minutes, so I went to the waiting room, holding my head down so no one could see that I was still crying.  The therapist came and got me and I held my head down until we got to her office and the first thing she told me that it was alright to cry.  I told her it was happening about every day and I did not know how long I can take this.  It’s very stressful to cry and not know why. 

I told her that I might try to hurt myself again if it doesn’t stop soon, because I can’t stand living like this.  If it isn’t under control within a week of the doctor changing my medication, I think I will ask him if I can go back to the hospital before hurting myself.  The thoughts are in the distant right now but they will appear if I don’t get any help with these crying episodes.  I can’t take it much longer and I told the therapist the same thing.  She said if I thought I needed to go back to the hospital, then I should go before it gets worse for me.  Something for me to ponder this week.

So, if any of you read this, please say a prayer or two for me.  I really need lots of prayers now.

Happy Holidays to all!

What to do with this place

I am not sure what to do with this blogging site right now.  There has been so many changes in my life lately that I am still and emotional wreck.  The first week in October, I tried to commit suicide because I was under so much stress.  Two days later I went into the hospital and spent 16 days there and was diagnosed with Major Depression.  I was given a new medication and slowly it has been raised to a higher dosage.  I am still recovering 2 months later and my therapist says it will take a while for me to completely recover.  I am trying to keep my life stress free, but sometimes it hasn’t been like that.  Read on and you will see.

The man I spent 3 years of my life with, found another woman on another site on the net and told me that he was waiting six months before moving in with her.  He wanted me to stay in our apartment and be his room mate for six months.  I tried to stay there but less than a week later, I told him I could not stay there any more and my friend down the road told me I could stay with her and her family until I got on my feet.  I got moved out with the help of my best friend and her husband.  I put my things in a storage building, so I have very little at my friends house.  I was able to bring Kitty with me and the day after I got out, he and his new girl went to move his stuff out.

I had a few things in his storage building and asked him to meet me there so I could get my things out.  He comes and lo and behold he has the woman with him.  Talk about butt ugly, whew, the roots definitely needed to be done, she was a large lady, which he likes.  I got my things then I wished them well.

So here I am spending the holidays alone.  Thanksgiving was spent with my friends at their uncle’s house, where I was last year because he had to work.  Christmas and New Year’s, more than likely I will be alone, except with my best friend and her family.

I need to start looking for a place to live.  I have a couple of numbers for low income housing that I need to call.  I plan on calling them in a few days when I get paid.

Why I put all of this on a public blog, I will never know. That’s all I really want to discuss right now.